I call them emotional black holes, mockers, scoffers, or heart-hearted cynics. Probably the most appropriate and user friendly term for them is "joy-killers." Their words, countenance, and mere inflection can take the life right out of us if we're not on guard. I should know. I personally struggle against the impulse to be a joy-killer every day. The school where I teach is infected by them and their sorry attitudes.
Don't get me wrong. Cynicism has its place. A small dose protects us against the peril of naiveté and gullibility. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with a little realism in a world filled with fakers who seek to gain an advantage over our uncritical acceptance of their propaganda. The problem comes when the cynical nature overtakes and dominates us. Our jaundiced eyes evaluate all with skepticism and suspicion. Those who refuse to stand back and scoff with us are regarded as blind fools duped by the system (whatever "system" we're evaluating at any given moment). We become the Typhoid Mary of negativity, spreading our contagion to everyone we meet, and sucking the life out of otherwise enthusiastic gatherings.
I have seen this happen up close and personal at my job. Four of the six classes I teach are a delight. The student are generally motivated to learn, have positive attitudes, and most enjoy the time we spend together. Discussions and laughter flow easily. Two of my classes, however, reveal a marked difference. They can be characterized by criticism, apathy, and even fear - fear of making a mistake, of expressing excitement, and of appearing interested in the subject matter. The key difference is the presence of influential joy-killers. I can teach the very same subject matter with the very same methods and the classes without them respond well, while the classes where the cynics reign supreme are an absolute chore to teach. The joy-killers render the class silent, sullen, and bored ... at least that's the appearance.
Interestingly, joy-killers are present in every class, but it's only in those where no positive leadership rises against them that cynicism prevails. Negativity, I have discovered, only dominates in classes where the joy-killers have either great intellect or strong personalities or both.
I've made it my mission to combat the joy-killers. On a personal level, I have to reaffirm my call to teach after every encounter with them. God put me in this place and at this time for a reason and I must not allow Satan to sidetrack His purpose through heart-hearted individuals. Decades ago when I was in sales a manager advised me not to take the criticism of customers personally. It's easier said than done, but the wisdom holds true with joy-killers. It's not me, it's them that's the problem despite their statements to the contrary. I must intentionally and prayerfully transition out of hurt and anger to pity to sympathy for them. I've heard it said that a cynic is an idealist with a broken heart. For the most part, I think this is true. The attitude they exude is a protective front which, left unchecked, will ruin the joy-killer's life. Above all, I cannot allow myself to be pulled into the vortex of negativity. If I don't enthusiastically endorse the subject I teach, who will?
I'm trying to make it a point to compliment and encourage students who display positive enthusiasm. The class desperately needs more of their input. If "what gets praised gets repeated" I must make sure that the joy-bringers are held up as the standard.
I've also made a personal commitment to attempt "converting" the salvageable the joy-killers. I noticed that on one particular day one of my cynics actually had a good attitude and positive contributions for the class. We experienced a wonderful time of discussion and interaction. On the next class meeting the demon returned and it was sour business as usual. I am going to have a private conversation with this on-again-off-again joy-killer and enlighten him about his power to change the character of the class. Fortunately, he's a Christian (or at least claims to be) and will likely be open to counsel. I also intend to separate him from the emotional black hole who sits beside him. (By the way, two negatives don't make a positive. They make a royal pain in the rear.) Whether or not this is successful, I will report in the coming weeks.
As I see it, the real enemy in all of this is fear. The joy-killers fear vulnerability. They fear handing themselves emotionally over to a subject, an idea, or another person. The non-cynics fear the scorn of the scoffers. They fear that their expression will be used against them. The safest path is to keep their heads down and their mouths shut.
I wonder if Paul was facing joy-killers when he wrote his letter to the Philippians? It has been called the "Epistle of Joy" by some. His advice to them certainly fits out context, so I'll end with his inspired wisdom: "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved—and that by God" (1:27-28).
1 comments:
Bullies are the biggest joy killers. You'll find them in almost every class. They derive sadistic pleasure in bullying the vulnerable weaklings. They get a sense of control through such actions. They in fact are mental wrecks, who need counseling and motivation to behave with empathy with their class mates.
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